Motherhood Wounds: How Your Relationship with Your Mother Could Be Blocking Fertility

Motherhood is often seen as the most natural progression in life, but for many women struggling with infertility, there’s more at play than just biology. The relationship we had with our own mother—the first woman we ever knew, the one who shaped our understanding of love, care, and nourishment—can deeply influence not just how we see ourselves, but also our subconscious beliefs around becoming a mother.

When fertility struggles arise, the medical world often focuses on hormones, egg quality, and cycles—but what about the psychological and emotional imprints we carry from childhood? If motherhood, at its core, feels unsafe or unattainable on a subconscious level, it can create deep, hidden blocks to conception.

The “Not Enough” Wound: Living in the Shadow of a Great Mother

For women who were raised by a loving, nurturing, and self-sacrificing mother, the bar for motherhood can feel impossibly high. If your mother gave everything, never rested, always put others before herself, and seemed to effortlessly hold everything together, how could you ever live up to that?

Subconsciously, this can create an underlying belief of “I’m not enough” or “I’ll never be as good a mother as she was.” And if you don’t feel worthy of stepping into that role, the body—always in tune with the subconscious mind—may quietly resist pregnancy.

The Toxic Blueprint: When Motherhood Feels Unsafe

On the other end of the spectrum, if a woman has grown up in a toxic relationship with her mother—one filled with criticism, emotional neglect, manipulation, or even abandonment—her blueprint for motherhood may feel destructive.

• If she was controlled or suppressed, she may fear that motherhood will take away her freedom.

• If she was never nurtured, she may feel incapable of being nurturing herself.

• If she felt unseen or unloved, she may worry about repeating those same patterns with her own child.

Some women who have suffered in these dynamics unconsciously protect themselves from repeating the same cycle by blocking motherhood altogether. The subconscious mind may view becoming a mother as too painful, too dangerous, or too filled with suffering—even while consciously longing for a baby.

The Mother Wound and Self-Care: How It Affects Fertility

If a woman never had a model for nurturing and nourishment, she may struggle to nurture herself. This can manifest in ways that directly impact fertility, such as:

• Neglecting self-care – Always putting work, others, or distractions first.

• Poor nourishment – Unhealthy eating habits, emotional eating, or food restriction.

• Lack of boundaries – Giving too much, absorbing stress, and carrying emotional burdens that aren’t hers.

• Emotional disconnection – Struggling to trust or form deep bonds with other women.

All of these factors can create an internal belief that motherhood isn’t safe, or that she isn’t capable of being a good mother. And if motherhood feels unsafe on any level, the body may resist conception as a protective mechanism.

Healing the Mother Wound: Making Peace to Move Forward

If the past is unconsciously shaping your fertility journey, the path forward isn’t in pushing harder—it’s in healing. Motherhood doesn’t have to be what it was in the past—you have the power to redefine it on your own terms.

1️⃣ Acknowledge the Impact of the Past – Recognise how your relationship with your mother has shaped your beliefs about yourself and motherhood. What messages did you absorb? What fears or pressures do you carry?

2️⃣ Grieve What Was Missing – Whether your mother was too much or not enough, it’s okay to grieve the parts of mothering you never received. It doesn’t mean you don’t love her—it means you’re recognising what shaped you.

3️⃣ Relearn Nurturing and Self-Care – Start showing up for yourself in the ways you wish your mother had. Nourish your body, set boundaries, surround yourself with loving, supportive people. Reparent yourself first, so you can step into motherhood feeling safe and whole.

4️⃣ Redefine Motherhood on Your Own Terms – You don’t have to mother like your mother. You can create a version of motherhood that aligns with your values, your needs, and your vision for your future family.

Your Past Doesn’t Have to Define Your Future

Fertility isn’t just about physical readiness—it’s about emotional safety. If deep down, a part of you fears motherhood because of past wounds, your body might be protecting you from stepping into something that feels unsafe.

But healing is possible. And once you acknowledge and rewrite the narrative, you create space for a new reality—one where motherhood isn’t something to fear, but something to embrace on your own terms.

Because your past may have shaped you, but it doesn’t have to define your future.

If you would like support with fertility and identify that this dynamic could be playing a part in your fertility story then book a call HERE