Why a Negative Pregnancy Test Might Be the Greatest Portal for Change
For many, a negative pregnancy test feels like failure—a harsh reminder of something longed for but not yet achieved. But what if we turned that story on its head? What if, instead of a mark of failure, it became a portal to healing and an invitation to create the fertile ground your future child needs to thrive?
My belief is that infertility isn’t just about conception—it’s a complete recollection of self. It requires introspective work, yes, but at its core, it’s about the reunion of your mind and body and the rekindling of a loving, connected relationship with your partner. When those pieces come together, fertility becomes a byproduct of that wholeness.
Reconnecting to Your Body Is the Real Journey
When early life trauma goes unprocessed, our mind and body disconnect. Many of us have lost the ability to trust our body, our cycles, and the natural rhythm of life. That’s why my work focuses on helping you reconnect to your body—its sensations, functions, cycles, and emotions—because this reunion is where conception begins.
Here’s my suggestion: Let go of the things that are causing emotional sabotage. Stop outsourcing your sense of security to pregnancy tests and tracking devices. Instead, trust your body to guide you.
Ditch the Pregnancy Tests
Every time you see a negative result, it triggers stress and disappointment, sending your body into a state of “fight or flight.” This stress creates a biochemical cascade, raising cortisol levels and signalling to your body that it’s unsafe to conceive.
• Stop taking pregnancy tests. Your body will let you know if you’re pregnant.
• When you are pregnant, you’ll feel the changes naturally—tenderness, slight fatigue, or other gentle signs.
• Let your body be the messenger instead of relying on an external device that causes more harm than good.
Stop Obsessively Tracking Ovulation and Make Love Consistently
One of the most common stress triggers in the TTC (trying to conceive) journey is the pressure to time intercourse perfectly during ovulation. However, limiting lovemaking to ovulation windows can actually hurt your chances because it turns intimacy into a scheduled task rather than a natural connection.
Consistent lovemaking throughout the cycle is far more effective. Here’s why:
1. Sperm viability: Sperm can live up to 5-7 days in the female reproductive tract. By making love consistently, you increase the chances that sperm will already be present and ready when ovulation occurs.
2. Reduces stress: Consistent intimacy builds emotional closeness without the stress of hitting a specific window. When the focus shifts away from performance and pressure, both partners can relax, and the body naturally becomes more receptive to conception.
3. Supports hormonal balance: Regular, loving sexual contact releases oxytocin, which helps lower cortisol and support a healthy reproductive system.
Instead of obsessing over ovulation kits, shift your focus to building a rhythm of intimacy that flows naturally throughout the cycle. Make love because you want to, not because you’re trying to check a box. When you prioritise connection, the timing will often take care of itself.
Consider the Power of Lunar Fertility
Many women don’t realise that their fertility is influenced by more than just their biological ovulation cycle. Ancient wisdom teaches that the moon’s phases also play a role in fertility, offering an additional window for conception each cycle.
The lunar return is the phase of the moon that matches the one under which you were born. For example, if you were born during a waxing crescent moon, that phase of the moon holds additional fertility potential for you each month—regardless of whether it lines up with your ovulation.
How the Lunar Return Works:
• Track the phase of the moon when you were born (this can be done online through lunar phase calculators).
• Each month, note when this phase returns, as it may offer an extra window for conception alongside your biological ovulation window.
This ancient approach to fertility recognises that your body’s rhythm is influenced not only by internal processes but also by the natural world. By incorporating this knowledge, you expand your chances of conception and relieve the pressure of relying on ovulation timing alone.
Shift the Focus to Intimacy, Not Just Sex
True fertility is about connection, not just biology. Physical intimacy, like hugging, holding hands, and spending time together, builds the emotional connection your body needs to feel safe and open to conception.
• When you feel safe, loved, and emotionally supported, your body responds by releasing oxytocin, lowering cortisol, and creating a more hospitable environment for conception.
• Sex becomes less about performance and more about celebrating your union, which is where fertility truly thrives.
The Power of Letting Go: When You Stop Trying, It Happens
You’ve probably heard the stories of couples who “gave up,” pursued adoption, or decided to stop trying altogether—only to conceive naturally soon after. This isn’t just anecdotal; studies show that reducing stress and pressure significantly improves fertility outcomes. The shift happens because letting go restores the body’s feeling of safety, creating the right conditions for conception.
In fact, research has shown that couples who adopt or stop actively trying experience a higher likelihood of natural conception. This isn’t magic—it’s the body returning to balance once the constant stress response is removed.
We Are the Only Mammals Trying to Control Conception
No other species on the planet plans reproduction with calendars and tests. In nature, when conditions are right, pregnancy happens. The difference for humans is we try to control and force the process, often creating more stress. The “now, now, now” mentality overrides the body’s wisdom. But the truth is, if you allow it, your body will know when the time is right.
Each time you see a negative pregnancy test, your body registers stress, reinforcing that it’s not safe to conceive. But when you rebuild trust in yourself, release emotional tension, and allow the process to unfold naturally, everything becomes possible.
Address the Three Key Areas: Emotional, Physical, and Lifestyle
1. Emotional Blocks: What unresolved pain are you holding onto from the past? Have you processed childhood trauma, loss, or grief that could be affecting your ability to conceive?
2. Physical Health: Are you supporting your body through proper nutrition, rest, and balance? Are there medical or lifestyle factors affecting fertility that need attention?
3. Lifestyle Setup: Are you prioritising stress management, sleep, and emotional well-being in your daily life? Are you and your partner creating an environment of love and connection rather than pressure and performance?
When these three areas are aligned, you can sit in the knowing that conception is possible. From this place of alignment, there’s no need to force or chase outcomes. The right conditions will lead to the outcome naturally.
A Baby Is the Byproduct of Optimal Health
When you focus on optimising your emotional and physical well-being, conception is a natural result. But the key is to let go of controlling the process and instead trust in your body’s wisdom. By reconnecting with yourself, healing emotional wounds, and nurturing your relationship, you’re creating the fertile soil for life to take root.
Let Go of Control, Not the Dream
So, my advice isn’t to give up on the dream of having a baby—but to give up the need to control every step. Let go of the tracking, the overthinking, the constant tests, and the emotional rollercoaster tied to external results. Instead, reconnect with your body, tune into its wisdom, and trust that it knows what to do.
Focus on nurturing your relationship, creating intimacy beyond sex, and fostering emotional safety within yourself and your partnership. Prioritise your health, heal any emotional blocks, and create an environment of peace, not pressure.
When you do this, the rest will unfold naturally. It’s not about forcing conception—it’s about allowing it to happen when your mind, body, and heart are aligned. Surrender to the process, and trust that life has a way of showing up when you least expect it.
If you want help to navigate your fertility story, book a call HERE